When Jerome invited me to write a blog on the theme of “Living Hope", I misread his email and thought that the theme was “Living in Hope". This phrase gelled with me because much of my Christian life has been lived in hope and, now that I am in my mid 70s, the “hope” part of it seems to become more relevant!
But in reflecting on the term “Living Hope” as I should have been, I can see a link that might be worth exploring. I have also realised that the meaning can change if you put “the”, “my” or “a” in front of it. In the 1970’s, as a young, married property lawyer, working long hours for a large city firm, I got to the point of thinking “There must be more to life than this?!” And so began a lifetime of exploration.
As I was baptised in the Church of England, I started my search from there. My local Church introduced me to the practice of Christianity and, more importantly, to some Christians who actually believed in, and practiced, what they were being taught! I put this down to their having faith.
The Letter to the Hebrews says “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” (Heb 11:1-2 NRSV). But I didn’t have faith. Instead, I had lots of questions, and I wanted the answers before I trusted.
By the early 1980’s, I had studied Christianity for many years, but I still had more questions than answers. Eventually, one of the curates at church (a gifted evangelist) said that if I wanted the faith that I said I wanted, I would have to surrender and just reach out to the Jesus who was, indeed, raised from the dead and is the living hope. There was no bargaining about this, but I would find out, one way or the other.
And after years of challenging, I gave in. I asked Jesus for the gift of faith and whether you can believe it or not, I got the missing something that I longed for. I knew this because I had no more questions – not one! I really seemed to have what one hymn writer has described as a “blessed assurance” - and it left me speechless. The living hope had become MY living hope.
After I retired, I knew that I still wanted to go deeper, and I wanted a framework and a guide to this deeper Christian life that I had been called to lead. I had investigated various forms of spirituality, but it was Benedictine spirituality, with its discipline, its study, its deep understanding of humanity and our role in co-creation, that lit up the Christian path that I needed to take. I did a Google search on "lay benedictines” and I discovered The Lay Community of St Benedict. In 2014, after a year of discernment, I became a Member and I found in the LCSB a special family - and a powerful witness to Christian life and service.
“Keep coming back to God” is what Benedictine spirituality teaches. Of course, as individuals, we frequently fail, but, echoing The Rule of St Benedict, the LCSB provides the structure and support that enables each of us to do what we can, when we can, and to make the effort to do so.
As I said at the beginning, for much of my Christian life I have been living in hope. Hoping that my “born again” experience was as real as I thought it was. Hoping that this ongoing faith in Jesus is not a waste of time. Hoping that when my family and friends died, they would have that place in heaven that Jesus said that he was going to prepare. Doubts plague us all on our spiritual journey and if we didn’t have doubt, we couldn’t have faith, but I believe that the faith that I received as a gift, gives me a living hope to hang on to – an assurance that my life is not meaningless and that there really is more to come.
Be Blessed.
Derek Oakley
2024
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